Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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