You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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