WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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