I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
