Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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