I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
