everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
