Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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