...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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