I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
