morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
