Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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