I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
