Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
