Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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