i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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