no, he came in my armpit
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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