A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
