I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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