you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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