i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
