yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
