no, he came in my armpit
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
