Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AM VODKA MAN
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
