I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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