I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
