Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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