and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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