My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
