My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
