just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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