Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
