Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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