I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize