did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Bring me that man meat
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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