sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
