corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
