DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
