I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
