Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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