Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
