my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
