How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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