Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
