guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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