i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
