He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
