Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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