I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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