It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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