yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
