If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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