i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
