Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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