He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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