I just saw a hot homeless man
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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