check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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