there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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