You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
