the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize