She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I use my feet as sexual weapons
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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