I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
