just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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