I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
