singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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