i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
