My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wear drunk well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
