I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
