I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
