I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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