the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
