the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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